Teens: Hardwired to Connect PDF Print
Working with teens, I try to stay current on pop culture – the chart-topping songs, hip hop artists, the latest technology, and teen-focused websites such as MySpace and FaceBook.  It’s no secret that most of the pop culture sources focusing on teens promotes materialism, unhealthy relationships and risky behavior – rarely is abstinence from sex, drugs, or other risky behaviors portrayed as an achievable or realistic choice.  It is assumed that “normal” kids cannot practice self-control and that teenage "experimentation" is inevitable.  In fact, some recent media goes so far as to directly equate teenagers with animals – meaning they are only physical in nature, with no self-discipline, drive, or purpose beyond fulfilling selfish desires. 

Considering the trends with blogging, online dating, and meeting “friends” on the Internet, I have noticed something subtle, yet profound in this generation.  More than ever, kids are searching to connect, searching for purpose. Yet they are constantly told by the media that they should be looking for one-night stands, casual hook-ups, and short term relationships.  No one is going to stick around anyway, the media tells them, so just have a good time. 

In other words, the way some media portrays teens as individualistic animals, desiring little connection beyond the physical, is wholly false, and these fake connections are harming our youth.  In reality, kids need loyal friends and consistent support from their families and other stable adults in order to develop the skills they need to have healthy relationships later in life.  Contrary to popular beliefs, kids really are looking for meaning.

It’s no wonder that kids seek this connection.  The Commission on Children at Risk produced a groundbreaking study showing “that the human child is hardwired to connect, and meeting these basic needs for connection is essential to health and to human flourishing.”

The Commission states, “In large measure, what's causing this crisis of American childhood is a lack of connectedness. We mean two kinds of connectedness — close connections to other people, and deep connections to moral and spiritual meaning...in recent decades, the U.S. social institutions that foster these two forms of connectedness for children have gotten significantly weaker.”  That weakening, this report argues, is a major cause of the current mental and behavioral health crisis among U.S. children.  As a community, we have failed our young people and we are seeing them fail to become the adults they could have been.

The key is that kids need something and someone positive to connect to.  The media and materialism seeks to fill this connection – they make a lot of money ensuring kids are lost, feel ugly and overweight, and are focused on sex appeal.  Too often we as adults contribute to this by fulfilling the wish list for the latest gadgets instead of the love and discipline that kids actually need and quietly desire.  Our kids need caring adults, safe communities, mentors, coaches and teachers, and houses of worship, yet too often, kids all across our country cite “feeling alone” and “not having anybody to turn to” as their greatest problems.

Sadly, many teens look for casual sex or other thrills to provide the answers, and all too often our teens are forced to grow up fast. 

The responsibility falls with all of us.  The truth is, we are hardwired to connect.  We are physical beings, yes.  But we are also emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual.  Each of On Point’s programs address the whole person – we seek to provide positive connection to peers and adults and equip teens with the life skills to make wise choices.  And it works!  For example, last year, 90% of the inner-city students involved in Life On Point groups (a consistent connection to positive adults and abstinent peers) were abstinent from sexual activity! 

Too often we see problems faced by our youth as an incurable disease, quickly spreading without cause or reason, an epidemic, one might say.  But this is not the case.  Consequences such as teen pregnancy or dating violence are most often a symptom of an unfulfilled need for connection and lack of healthy limitations and guidance.

On Point hopes to significantly increase the number of schools that offer weekly support groups in the next two years.  However, there are hundreds of students we are unable to reach.  You can be the positive influence for a neighbor, a nephew, or by getting involved in a mentorship program.  We can’t do it without you!

For more tips on how to connect with your teens, contact On Point.