As I was walking through a high school recently, I noticed one thing that has not changed much in the ten years it's been since I graduated. I noticed guys and girls who were talking turning to violence to get their point across. Their point? I like you. Honestly, I was a little confused as I watched this happen around me. Mainly because this was not an elementary school playground, but a high school. In my experience teaching, this is a common occurrence in middle and high school. Because it is such a problem, I have begun discussing this topic in my classes quite frequently.

One day while I was teaching, a story from my own middle school days popped up in my head. When I was in eight grade, I was dating a ninth grader (lucky, huh?!) and my dad was taking him home from church. We were sitting in the back of my parent's car hitting each other. My dad got upset with both of us and you can imagine my embarrassment. When my boyfriend got out of the car, my dad wanted to talk to me about why the way we were behaving was not okay.  I told him that is the way that teens show they like someone. He then shared his wisdom that helped me understand why that was so harmful, both physically and emotionally. He explained that if I grew up thinking that violence is a way to express or show that you like or even love a person, that I would be more likely to marry someone who was abusive or that I would become an abusive spouse or mother.

Looking back on that story, I remember so clearly the lesson that I learned. I am so happy that my dad was able to catch that potentially destructive habit at an early age. As a parent, it is so important that we show our kids that real love is not shown through violent behavior, even if that behavior is subtle. We need to be very intentional in talking to them about teenage dating violence!